The clock is ticking. I’m 34 weeks pregnant, we’re having a boy and we have no idea what to name him. With Addy and Zack it was so easy. Their names just jumped off the pages of the baby name book. Our choices were so meant-to-be that one of Max’s dearest friends, Rudy, actually guessed what we had chosen for both names on the first try. This time around, we haven’t been so lucky. In fact, I’m pretty sure baby number three is doomed since this is the list of options for first names that we’ve come up with so far…
1. Asdo
Asdo is the name our family has been calling the baby for the past five months. When we told Addy and Zack that I was pregnant, we asked them what we should call the baby while it was in my belly. Zack responded, “We should call him A-S-D-O.” While he was seemingly spewing a random mishmash of letters, the vowels and consonants lined up to create a pronounceable “word” that has since become the placeholder name for our little nugget. The “name” caught on so well, everyone from our parents, to our friends, to Addy and Zack’s teachers to my OBGYN have referred to the baby as “Asdo.” Clearly, as a loving mother, I will not allow this to become the baby’s actual first name. I am, however, currently in the throes of an intense internal struggle over whether it is cute or cruel to make “Asdo” the baby’s middle name – a request that Max has been intensely lobbying for.
2. Penelope, Evie, Violet, etc.
Why are girl names so much easier to like than boy names? Why??? I could flip through a baby book and come up with a list of ten girl names I like in about five minutes. I’ve had eight months to find a boy name that I like and I’m blank. At this rate, I think I might just buy Asdo a baby wig and some dresses, name him Shirley and call it a day.
3. Zack #2
I liked it the first time so why not slap a number on the end like they do for movie sequels? It worked for Teen Wolf 2, RoboCop 2 and Speed 2, right? Right? Didn’t it? Crap, you’re right. Bad idea.
4. President, Doctor or Justice
What? Isn’t this what all Jewish mothers are supposed to want to call their sons?
5. Iloveyoubut
Now that Addy and Zack are three and I’m done with all the little annoying things that come with caring for babies, I suspect I will need some help on the patience front when it comes to starting over. Naming this baby Iloveyoubut should take care of any guilt I feel when I act like a whiny, complainy jerk. “Iloveyoubut, please stop waking me up 15 times a night.” “Iloveyoubut, I really don’t want to change another sh-tty diaper today so I assume you’ll be cool if I leave it for tomorrow, no?” “Iloveyoubut, seriously, if you don’t stop crying, I’m going to suck my own eardrums out of my head with your Nosefrida.”
6. Woofster
For those of you without preschoolers who are obsessed with the show Super Why, Woofster is the dog that belongs to the main character, Wyatt. Addy and Zack, also known as Princess Pea and Wyatt, have decided that when Asdo arrives, he will play the role of Woofster in their Super Why shows. Curtain goes up at 7:00 PM nightly with matinees on weekends if anyone wants to come see their performances. Tickets are free, or depending on how desperate I am for some peace and quiet, I might consider paying you to come so I don’t have to play “the audience member” for the 5,627th time.
7. Enos
As all desperate parents who can’t think of a good baby name do, I naturally turned to a number of baby name wizard type websites to help us decide. My favorite was a website called nymbler.com where you can put in sibling names and other names you like and it will generate a list of suggestions that it thinks would work based on your inputs. When I entered “Addy” and “Zack”, it gave me brilliant suggestions like Lon, Mose, Orie and Zeb. But my favorite, by far, was Enos. How in the world did they know that all I’ve ever wanted was to give my kid a name that could easily be mistaken for the grossest part of a tush? I’m sold. Enos it is. Now we just have to decide whether the middle name is going to be Benis, Fagina or Crotom.
